Do you have a loved one experiencing memory loss? Has your loved one had a diagnosis of what is causing the memory loss? If the memory loss is caused by dementia, it is a general term for a decline in his or her mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. If the diagnosis is Alzheimer’s, it is a specific disease and is the most common cause of dementia. Either way, are you struggling to support and care for a loved one with memory loss? It is very difficult to watch a loved one struggle with dementia and Alzheimer’s and see his or her sadness and confusion and then, often, experience angry outbursts and belligerence from your loved one.
First, according to science, your loved one’s dementia is caused by the deterioration of brain cells and may be the cause of any behavioral changes in your loved one. There may be nothing you can do to change him or her, nor should you expect the behavior to change. Keep in mind that what you are witnessing may be the symptoms of his or her illness. We would like to share some ideas you and your family may want to use as you support your loved one and keep him or her safe within the disease process.
1. Support your loved one by keeping things simple. If your loved one is in a confusing situation, he or she may feel overwhelmed and become agitated. Situations might include: attending an event with many members of his or her family, trying to decide what to wear each day or being asked to name a restaurant to eat lunch. As you support your loved one, try to break things down into the simplest of tasks, meet only one or two family members at a time, choose between two outfits to wear and have someone else name a restaurant to have lunch. Keeping things simple may be the best support you can offer.
2. Support your loved one by establishing routines. Routines, like keeping things simple, can also feel safe to a person experiencing the symptoms of dementia. You and your loved one may have a morning routine, regular meal times, a daily walk and an evening routine (eat supper, take a bath or shower, put on pjs, watch a favorite television show and go to bed) are suggestions of ways to provide structure to your loved one. Take time to support your loved one by creating a written schedule of your routines that can hang on the wall or be put in a notebook. When tasked with the responsibility of reminding your loved one to use his or her supportive devices, such as hearing aids or a walker, be sure to be kind. The goal is to always treat your loved one with dignity, not in a paternalistic or demeaning way.
3. Support your loved one by avoiding arguments. As previously mentioned, memory loss and the disease process may be responsible for making your loved one argumentative. Try to remain calm and do not mirror your loved one’s anger with your anger. Have a plan for yourself in place so that if you begin to experience feelings of anger or irritation while caring for your loved one, you know that the best thing you can do may be to step outside for a moment and catch your breath, or at least pause and count to five. This will allow you time to reset, reminding yourself that the symptoms your loved one may be exhibiting are from his or her illness.
As you struggle to successfully support your loved one with memory loss, be kind to yourself. Caring for a loved one with memory loss or dementia or Alzheimer’s can be an overwhelming experience. Do not hesitate to reach out to your family members for help. Remember, the fact that you are present and caring for your loved one can be the greatest source of support and comfort you can provide.
We know this blog may raise more questions than it answers. We want you not to wait to learn more about this critical issue facing all of us, but most importantly Connecticut seniors. Remember, being prepared is the best defense you can have in place. The Northeast Law Center practices law in many Connecticut counties including Hartford, New London, Tolland and Windham. We encourage you to contact us and schedule a meeting.